She stood there in front of him in the cold, light rain outside the Seattle airport, bags at her feet. She was here finally. He'd left several months ago without even a warning that he would be out of reach. She, was very blonde and every inch a Texas woman in her ill-prepared-for-the-real-winter cold of this place in her long denim skirt, black shirt, pointed-toe black stylish boots and leather jacket. He was just as she remembered from that day of their ride in the warm August sun; tall and imposing, dark hair and heavy metal man jewelry, with the glare from the lights hiding his eyes behind his alternative-style glasses. Discovery of his leaving had triggered a sad, empty place inside her; one that was acutely aware of missed opportunities. She kept looking at him; taking in every detail of this moment and practically holding her breath and feeling immobile until he let her know something about what he thought of her presence there. It'd been a surprise for them both.
Here she was again. Even as the rain wet her hair, his mind was noting changes and familiarities in this woman he'd only met perhaps two times before. She was pretty and he was very attracted to her. Even now, part of him wanted to make her orgasm as he spoke in her ear. He knew that he could. He wanted to touch her again; something he'd been imagining over and over in his mind since their first meeting. She'd fled from further contact; never allowing time to reveal anything, whether it was just sex that drew them together or more. Right now, he was conflicted. He'd told her it would never work. She was too far; that he would be done with her once he came. He wanted to do the right thing, he'd told her. "I don't try very often to do the right thing, but I'm trying to this time."
She'd not listened. He wasn't exactly sure why, and another part of him was irriated at her for that and yet the pictures that kept coming to his mind were fiercely sexual and full of images of her and the responses he knew he could bring out in her.
"Well."
"I know."
"You do? Aparently not."
Silence.
She still held her breath. Waiting. Looking at him. Unaware of anything else around her but this man in her line of vision; his look, his scent, and the strong masculinity that eminated from him. She wanted his permission, but couldn't ask. She'd lost all ability to speak unless he did first.
He glared at her for several minutes and deliberately made her stand there in the cold. He knew that her clothing wasn't meant to shield her from the cold here, but rather the milder temps of Dallas. A part of him wanted her to suffer. He'd suffered; been tortured sometimes. She had no idea. And he'd never tell her.
He finally leaned in and barely touched his lips to hers. Her breath caught and she wanted to unleash the flood of lust, unspent emotion and overwhelming passion that was always just below the surface whenever she came in contact with this man. But sensing that this was not yet permission, she only allowed herself the sharp intake of breath and a small moan to escape. She wasn't allowed release yet.
He sensed it all, and took in her energy. Then, he pulled away.
"This way."
And he led her to where he was parked. Once her bags were in the vehicle, he suddenly pushed her up against his wet car and began to assault her senses. She felt his entire body against hers, and his kiss was angry, full of lust and punishing. His hands moved all over her, unmindful of the public area they were in. It was as if he wanted to crush her, he was pressed up so hard against her. She met him move for move. It was exactly the permission she wanted. His hands exposed her breast to the cold and she didn't care. His mouth was warm but alternated between soft then hard and biting. He was frantic to rediscover the places he knew and plunder each and every one of them again and further.
His other hand began moving her skirt up as both breasts were exposed now, nipples hard from response as well as the cold air. She was moaning and breathing heavily and was overwhelmed in this moment. She hadn't felt alive like this for such a long time, and yet, even his voice alone could bring her to this place. She opened her legs more and moved so that nothing impeded him in any way from any thing he wanted to do to her. She completely surrendered. His fingers found her and plunged. He remembered the feel of her too well. He wanted to pick her up with his fingers buried deep inside her.
He stopped.
"Get in."
And he moved away to the other side of the SUV. She could barely stand and somehow managed to gather her senses enough around her to move into the seat next to him. They drove in near silence except for their labored breathing.
"I've gotten a hotel nearby. It will allow us...privacy."
"Yes."
"You sure about this?"
"Yes."
"You don't even know the first thing about this lifestyle. Me."
"Show me. I want to learn. I trust you."
"Why??" he spat out angrily.
"I don't know. But you are my choice. There is something inescapable about you. It borders on obsession. That's the closest definition I have."
"Hmmm."
He thought about that. "It's just sex," he thought. He thought back over the last year, hearing from her here and there. He'd think he was free of her and then there was that whisper. Then pictures. Then long, drawn out conversations that brought him to a frenzy. He wanted to see her, watch her do things, touch her. He wanted contact. He would be filled with a mixture of wanting to crush her, do nasty things with her, be hard on her, and then..kiss her as she sat on him; placing her body on him and having him slide inside; in and out for as long as they could stand it. He wanted to fill her up in every place he could. He would draw nearer to her, but then the reality of the differences in their lives would settle in. It was excruciatingly frustating. And he'd pushed her away almost as much as she did the same. Yet, here they were.
She almost couldn't catch her breath. She still felt his tongue in her mouth, on her breasts, and hands where they'd burned impression after impression. She could barely focus her thoughts, she was so inundated with the residual sensations of what had just happened. There was no awareness of the cold until now, and she began to tremble. This was a big step for her. It went against the part of her that tried so hard to behave. But this spoke to a nature that was imbedded and deep; almost primal in thought and need. It was her core. No one had ever been able to master that before. No one had the strength or the confidence. She'd never been safe to allow it. She wasn't sure that she was safe now. But it didn't feel as if she had a choice in this. It was as if some outside force had chosen him for her. And there was no denying the effect he had on her. It'd never been like this. She was absolutely addicted.
They pulled up in front of the hotel just as the rain began to turn to snow. He turned off the car and got out without saying one word. He removed her bags and then opened her door. Seeing her face still flushed and the slight disheveled look to her clothing made him burn for her again, suddenly.
"Come on."
She got out and followed him. Upon hearing the lock disengage, it was like a barrage of pictures flooded her brain as to all the possibilities that lay ahead. She could feel the powerful moisture between her legs at the images that flashed one after the other of all they would do.
He noted her reaction and couldn't contain himself any longer.
He threw her bags aside and pulled her inside the room. It was dark, but warm. He again attacked her, pressing her against the wall with mouth and hands all over her. He pulled her hair as he kissed her, pinched and pulled her nipples alternately as his passions flared. She lifted a leg to wrap around him and he pushed himself against her harder. He turned her around with her face against the wall, breasts flattened as he lifted her skirt. He began to finger her again, two then three fingers at a time...harshly and softly, grabbing a shoulder so it they could go deeper into her. She was so near orgasm already, he could feel it in the tightening of her and her irregular breathing. She was getting louder as she got close.
And he wanted to hear that sound; that familiar sound of her release. It drove him crazy when he couldn't see her face as it happened..when he couldn't be there to will her body to it. He was controlling it now, and the power felt euphoric. He was harder than he'd ever been and wanted to pound her into oblivion as he came inside her, but not yet.
He stopped and told her to ready herself for him.
"Get changed and present yourself to me."
"Yes."
She picked up her bags and could barely walk as she began to head to the bathroom. Her senses swirling.
"No. Out here. I want to watch you get ready."
She was suddenly embarrassed and unsure of herself. Was this the right thing?
He sensed her uncertainty, and came over to her before he sat down. He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead,
"It's alright. I enjoy watching you. You're here and I want to take every moment I can with you. It's okay."
Then he sat down, waited and watched.
She undressed slowly and deliberately, looking at his eyes as she did. He was a very attractive man for being so gruff. And when he was kind, it caught her so off guard. She wanted more from him. This was right.
She put on the garter, black stockings and heels. The bra was black but did not cover her nipples at all. It mainly served as support and enticement. Then, she brought out the cuffs. There were four, and there were chains as well. They were hard metal, but lined with softness. She put one on each wrist and each ankle. She then brought out the collar. She waited.
"Come over to me, wench."
She did. She handed him the collar and then knelt in front of him as he sat in the chair. She spread apart her knees on the floor and bent backwards with wrists near her ankles. It exposed her nakedness completely for him, and in this way she offered herself up for his inpection. But she was offering much more than just a look over her body.
And he knew this.
He traced a finger over her. Lightly touching every part of her; lips, face, hair and even very softly teasing her nipples and opening her to briefly inspect the wetness he'd felt and penetrated earlier. His erection had never wavered.
"Do you freely offer yourself?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure you're ready?"
"Yes."
And he placed the collar on her. It wasn't a full "collaring ceremony" such as the ones she read about. This was just the beginning of their journey together into a world he would introduce her to. She shivered in anticipation.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Music
I wrote this on my way to work today. Hope you like it!
Music is a compilation of scales arranged in such a way as to tell a story, evoke an emotion or comfort a soul. You do not have to have the talent or skill to wield these scales to participate in the world it creates; You have only to listen, and you can visit anew anytime you like.
Those who do have the talent, be it by voice, composition or solid instrument,
Are the gift-givers to those of us rooted in firm earth;
To travel freely and with wild abandon to our most cherished memories, lost loves and far away landscapes,
We may otherwise be unable to see.
Deidre Tallett, 2009
Music is a compilation of scales arranged in such a way as to tell a story, evoke an emotion or comfort a soul. You do not have to have the talent or skill to wield these scales to participate in the world it creates; You have only to listen, and you can visit anew anytime you like.
Those who do have the talent, be it by voice, composition or solid instrument,
Are the gift-givers to those of us rooted in firm earth;
To travel freely and with wild abandon to our most cherished memories, lost loves and far away landscapes,
We may otherwise be unable to see.
Deidre Tallett, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Divorce has BEEN over, now what??
Divorce is never a fun thing. It can be the right thing, it can even be an amicable thing. But it is never easy and there is always fallout in some way, form or fashion. Everyone's different and we're all the same too. It's just a fact that there are a lot of us divorcee's out there, and it's becoming more and more common all the time.
So, of course you make the obligatory mistakes when it's been a while since you've dated. You become over- eager, are sexually charged, date a lot, miss all the grossly obvious red-flags that tell you NOT to go out with him or her...you name it, it's done. You think you're ready for things, and you discover afterwards that you're not. As a woman, you can often put yourself in compromising or even dangerous positions without even realizing until it is too late.
All that aside, we learn that there is much that happens that's overwhelming, frantic, hurtful, weird, lonely, angry and of course sexual, in that first year. NOT a good time to take anything seriously, other than moving forward and giving yourself time to heal. I've yet to meet anyone that does that though. It's all about proving you've still got it at first. *Sigh*. Greenhorns all.
AFTER that first year though, the stories are as varied as the people telling them. Almost everyone slows down and begins to take their time in the dating arena, but there are others who need TWO years to reach this point, or even THREE.
So, is there actually a magic number?
I'm not sure. I know that even after that first year, I was driving through our old neighborhood, curious to see our old house. Gosh, I loved that house! It had new owners and it wasn't really being taken care of. And out of the blue that whole "failure" feeling overcame me. A year later! I'm crying as I drive away from a place that wasn't even a HAPPY home, but it had been MY home...and now it wasn't.
Things just hit you, it seems, no matter how much time has passed.
The other day (and it's been two years now), I was in the grocery. It's a place I almost AVOID now. I used to LOVE to go there. I would get food for the next two weeks, plan meals, be excited over special treat finds, etc. NOW, there's me and my son, certainly. But the buck stops with ME. If I buy out the store (spending $300 or so) like a used to, there is only ME to get it all home; load the car, and unload the car at home, and then put it all away. UGH.
It is nice having someone to make things for. It is nice having someone to bring special treats home to. And yes, I bring them home for my son. However, it really is a little different.
And though in my marriage I didn't have this, in a recent relationship I very much did: that EASE of communication. They know you, understand you and vice versa. You don't have to explain. THAT is something that to me, is GOLDEN.
I'm a woman with a good job and a good home. I'm a good Mom and a strong person, in general. I have been on my own more of my life than not, so it's not an "uncomfortable in your own skin" thing. It's more that while I LIKE my own skin, it'd be nice to every now and then, not ALWAYS have to be the only boss; to have that friend that you miss during the day and can't wait to get home to at night; to have that partner to bounce things off of and rely on here and there. Not to mention that person in your bed that ISN'T phobic about being there, that isn't trying to use you, and that isn't just a one night stand.
It's that sudden tinge of lonely that hits you unexpectedly in a room crowded with your friend's voices and your children's play. It's interesting, because for me for instance...it's not really been a focus for quite some time now. I got tired of the personal dating sites, and the mass dating rituals. That was within the first 6 months or so. I outgrew the need to prove that I'm desirable still.
I do still beat myself up every now and then about my imperfections as a parent, and I do occasionally still feel the emotion of failure when stop to breathe for a minute.
So, while I'm fine alone for now and am truly in no hurry to rush into anything remotely serious at this moment...I am not exactly sure what to think of these fleeting moments of painful memories and intrinsic longings.
Is three years the magic number for healing after divorce? Four?
So, of course you make the obligatory mistakes when it's been a while since you've dated. You become over- eager, are sexually charged, date a lot, miss all the grossly obvious red-flags that tell you NOT to go out with him or her...you name it, it's done. You think you're ready for things, and you discover afterwards that you're not. As a woman, you can often put yourself in compromising or even dangerous positions without even realizing until it is too late.
All that aside, we learn that there is much that happens that's overwhelming, frantic, hurtful, weird, lonely, angry and of course sexual, in that first year. NOT a good time to take anything seriously, other than moving forward and giving yourself time to heal. I've yet to meet anyone that does that though. It's all about proving you've still got it at first. *Sigh*. Greenhorns all.
AFTER that first year though, the stories are as varied as the people telling them. Almost everyone slows down and begins to take their time in the dating arena, but there are others who need TWO years to reach this point, or even THREE.
So, is there actually a magic number?
I'm not sure. I know that even after that first year, I was driving through our old neighborhood, curious to see our old house. Gosh, I loved that house! It had new owners and it wasn't really being taken care of. And out of the blue that whole "failure" feeling overcame me. A year later! I'm crying as I drive away from a place that wasn't even a HAPPY home, but it had been MY home...and now it wasn't.
Things just hit you, it seems, no matter how much time has passed.
The other day (and it's been two years now), I was in the grocery. It's a place I almost AVOID now. I used to LOVE to go there. I would get food for the next two weeks, plan meals, be excited over special treat finds, etc. NOW, there's me and my son, certainly. But the buck stops with ME. If I buy out the store (spending $300 or so) like a used to, there is only ME to get it all home; load the car, and unload the car at home, and then put it all away. UGH.
It is nice having someone to make things for. It is nice having someone to bring special treats home to. And yes, I bring them home for my son. However, it really is a little different.
And though in my marriage I didn't have this, in a recent relationship I very much did: that EASE of communication. They know you, understand you and vice versa. You don't have to explain. THAT is something that to me, is GOLDEN.
I'm a woman with a good job and a good home. I'm a good Mom and a strong person, in general. I have been on my own more of my life than not, so it's not an "uncomfortable in your own skin" thing. It's more that while I LIKE my own skin, it'd be nice to every now and then, not ALWAYS have to be the only boss; to have that friend that you miss during the day and can't wait to get home to at night; to have that partner to bounce things off of and rely on here and there. Not to mention that person in your bed that ISN'T phobic about being there, that isn't trying to use you, and that isn't just a one night stand.
It's that sudden tinge of lonely that hits you unexpectedly in a room crowded with your friend's voices and your children's play. It's interesting, because for me for instance...it's not really been a focus for quite some time now. I got tired of the personal dating sites, and the mass dating rituals. That was within the first 6 months or so. I outgrew the need to prove that I'm desirable still.
I do still beat myself up every now and then about my imperfections as a parent, and I do occasionally still feel the emotion of failure when stop to breathe for a minute.
So, while I'm fine alone for now and am truly in no hurry to rush into anything remotely serious at this moment...I am not exactly sure what to think of these fleeting moments of painful memories and intrinsic longings.
Is three years the magic number for healing after divorce? Four?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Mysterious Motorcycle Guy
He waited for her at a small town coffee shop; standing out with his dark hair, tattoos and heavy metal adornment. People went in and out and glanced at him with surprise and curiosity. A woman or two looked at him with desire mingled with fear, but he was used to that. His strength was evident in his build, but also his stance. He sat at an outside table, leaned back and casual, with an aura of a lion ready to pounce. He carried with him an air of power under control. It could be intoxicating, and he was counting on that today.
It was an unusual August day in Texas; sunny and only a mild 75 degrees. It was a perfect day to ride and a perfect day to finally meet this woman. She'd piqued his interest because she radiated sex; not in an overt way, but it was there just below the surface. She also didnt' strike him as a mindless drone, which was always a plus. She was a little on the "good girl" side for his usual tastes, but he knew that he'd enjoy banishing that image completely from her if she gave him the chance. That was part of her charm; that mixture of innocence and sexual heat. It made him curious to taste what she was made of.
She was relaxed and loving this day. It was beautiful and finally, well below 100. She hated it when it was too uncomfortable to be outside. She loved the feel of the light breezy wind and the sounds of the lake in the distance. She liked living here and crossing that bridge at the end of every long day in the city; leaving that flurry of frantic activity behind for the easy, slow pace of the towns across the lake. Wednesday evening's sailboat races were one of her favorite sights to see on her way home. There was something powerfully beautiful in seeing them fly through the water so quickly, wind driving them forward. She sighed. It'd been a long time since she'd felt the water under her like that.
Today, she was meeting someone she'd been talking to here and there online. It'd been an interesting exchange of flirtations, and he was nothing like anyone she'd ever been attracted to before. His profile had been dark with motorcycles and classic music on it. It revealed a strong mind, strong opinion and someone who'd been through a thing or two and who had absolutely no tolerance for stupidity or weak minds. She wasn't entirely sure what brought her here. They didn't have much in common and as a matter of fact, she'd often felt like certain softer parts to her character were irritating to him. So, why was she here today? Because she was curious. He was persistent, and she was intrigued. It'd been a while since she'd gone a little wild, so why not today?
She wore her hair up, with a strapless halter and jeans with sandals. They were going to meet here and decide what to do from there. She went into the coffee shop glancing around, but didn't see him. She stepped up to the counter then, smiled and ordered her usual mocha frappachino and waited, looking around some more. Then she saw him outside, facing away from her, staring out into the day. He looked very confident and relaxed, and suddenly she wasn't so sure that she felt that way anymore.
Wow. He was tall. Even sitting down, it was easy to see that. She picked up on that same mixture of bad boy and intelligence she'd seen online. Her coffee was ready. She paid for it, smiled at the cashier and went outside.
She walked up behind him and touched him on the shoulder and then came around to face him. She might have said "hi", but couldn't remember if she did or not. She did remember that when he stood up, her mouth went dry and her heart raced a bit because the raw sex that flowed from this man was palpable. He invaded her space immediately and leaned in and very, very softly kissed her lips.
She was caught so off guard, she didn't know what to say. No one had ever done that before. It was as if every limb was paralyzed and she could no longer think for herself. She was grateful when he told her to sit down. She didn't know what had come over her but she appreciated that he had the presence of mind to take control and tell her what to do. Whatever her problem was, she'd most certainly lost any control she thought she had over this date.
She sipped at her drink, and looked at him across the table from her. She stretched out her legs and from shin to ankle, touched his leg. It was electric, and he glanced down, then looked back at her and raised an eyebrow. She just smiled, hidden behind her sunglasses. He took her hand and began stroking it. Neither one said anything until she looked at him and said,
"So?"
"Even better in person."
They sat in silence again after that, feeling the chemistry between them weave back and forth; the two areas in contact with each other, distracting. Finally, he asked her if she wanted to go for a ride? She'd wondered if she'd be up for it or not. It'd literally been YEARS since she'd ridden. But of course that's not what she said. All that came out was, "Sure." She moved to her car and put her purse in the trunk, and then began to remove her sunglasses too.
"Uh, you're going to need those."
"Oh! Okay."
Silly. She should have known that! What was wrong with her? She felt an odd mixture of school girl sheepishness, excitement and ease. So far, this was not at all what she expected.
She managed to get on easily and without falling, which made her proud of herself. He of course knew his way around the bike. It was a Honda Valkyrie and it was large, covered in black and chrome. It was powerful. She'd never ridden on one that felt so heavy, but he managed it well. She pointed out a direction that would lead them around places on the lake she'd not really been to before. She knew it was a pretty direction and hoped that that would suffice.
She reveled in the air coming at them fast, and the nakedness she felt; exposed to the warmth and sun of the day. No WONDER people liked this so much! She could see the faces and attitudes of people around them, but none of that really mattered. She felt alive in a way she hadn't in a very, very long time.
He was careful with his driving, only occasionally doing things to make her react. He felt her every movement and while he was certainly aware of the area around him, he was also thinking of how he was going to get beneath that innocence. He could tell he had an effect on her, but he wanted to be sure that she knew he wasn't the relationship type, and he told her that. No sense in things getting messier than they needed to be.
He'd never really been good at settling down. There were so many sights to see, women to meet, and he liked the freedom to just go whenever he wanted to. At the same time, if someone ever really rocked his world, he'd just deal with that when it happened. Because it was nice having someone with you every now and then; to go through an experience together. He just wasn't ready for that someone to be the same someone each time. He smiled at the thought. SHE had relationship written all over her.
Finally, they came to an area off the lake that branched off into a myriad of dirt roads. He picked one and began slowly exploring it. This particular one, ended in a circle around a dead tree, in front of a burned out old barn. He stopped and her heart began to beat faster. He told her not to move, and she didn't. He got off, and propped it up. She was surprised that it stayed erect and looked at him coyly as he stood there looking at her. She felt unbelievably exposed right now.
He got back on the motorcycle, facing her. Before she could react, he kissed her. Their kiss was soft again, as the first one had been, with darting, teasing tongues. He drew her out slowly, taking the kiss deeper and then backing off. It grew powerful and more demanding, very expert and pulling reactions from her she wasn't used to.
She began to regain herself a bit, and began to respond more fully and in control. She moved her hands around his head to bring him closer and moved more towards him on the bike. As they explored the taste of each other's mouths, he moved his hands to her legs and moved them up and over his so that they could get closer.
That small movement, took her breath away and she broke their kiss. She looked at him and then down at the two of them a mere couple of pieces of jean material away. It made her head spin. He lifted her chin and then began kissing her again, causing her to circle her legs around him and begin to move in rythym to his movements. She moved harder against him wanting to get closer.
He leaned her back slowly and began exploring more of her with his hands. She was breathless and on fire and felt wanton in this open, exposed place. They teased and touched and tasted as much as they could there in front of that old barn. It felt wild, freeing and absolutely intoxicating. She opened herself up completely to the experience, and allowed herself every sight, smell and texture he gave her. But even a chemistry this powerful, had to end.
He wanted her. There was no doubt about that. She'd proven to be more than he'd imagined and was having a hard time controlling himself. The ways she moved and moaned against him, her hands finding places on him that made him want her even more. And then, the willingness and responsiveness was mind blowing. But it was getting late. They were out in the middle of no where and he had a long drive home. It was sadly, time to end this.
So, as hard as it was he pulled away, righted himself on the bike, and they rode back towards the coffee shop. It was quite a ride home. Every nerve ending she had was on edge. He'd stirred her up in ways she wasn't sure she'd ever been stirred before. His thoughts were filled with all the ways he wanted her. He liked feeling her behind him. With all they'd just shared, he was extremely aware of every bit of contact her body had with his. It made his thoughts race.
They arrived a little worse for wear at the coffee shop again, quite the spectacle. She, windblown with sunkissed skin, and he just as dominating a persona as before. They were quite the picture, and caught a few stares.
He walked her to her car and then whispered in her ear, "I will have you." kissed her, thanked her and walked away. She shakily got into her car and tried to process through all that had occurred in such a short amount of time. She didn't know if she'd ever see him again...or even if she really wanted to. She'd never known anyone remotely like him, and wasn't sure she would know what to do with all that he was. She did know one thing for certain, though. Her perceptions of people were far more acute after that day.
***We've all had a date or two that totally took us by surprise. Sometimes in how awful it was, and sometimes in just the unusualness of it. Sometimes, it was just plain FUN, but nothing ever came of it. All of these things make up the fabric of who we are, and help us put together the pieces of what we are really looking for. So here's my example, again with a little bit of me and a little bit of an actual date I had a pretty long while ago. Have you had one that stood out to you recently or even NOT so recently?? Sometimes even in dating we lose the color we need to really consider it living. Occasionally, there is one that comes along that sort of awakens you, and makes you realize that there IS more out there...Tell me about your experience like that.
It was an unusual August day in Texas; sunny and only a mild 75 degrees. It was a perfect day to ride and a perfect day to finally meet this woman. She'd piqued his interest because she radiated sex; not in an overt way, but it was there just below the surface. She also didnt' strike him as a mindless drone, which was always a plus. She was a little on the "good girl" side for his usual tastes, but he knew that he'd enjoy banishing that image completely from her if she gave him the chance. That was part of her charm; that mixture of innocence and sexual heat. It made him curious to taste what she was made of.
She was relaxed and loving this day. It was beautiful and finally, well below 100. She hated it when it was too uncomfortable to be outside. She loved the feel of the light breezy wind and the sounds of the lake in the distance. She liked living here and crossing that bridge at the end of every long day in the city; leaving that flurry of frantic activity behind for the easy, slow pace of the towns across the lake. Wednesday evening's sailboat races were one of her favorite sights to see on her way home. There was something powerfully beautiful in seeing them fly through the water so quickly, wind driving them forward. She sighed. It'd been a long time since she'd felt the water under her like that.
Today, she was meeting someone she'd been talking to here and there online. It'd been an interesting exchange of flirtations, and he was nothing like anyone she'd ever been attracted to before. His profile had been dark with motorcycles and classic music on it. It revealed a strong mind, strong opinion and someone who'd been through a thing or two and who had absolutely no tolerance for stupidity or weak minds. She wasn't entirely sure what brought her here. They didn't have much in common and as a matter of fact, she'd often felt like certain softer parts to her character were irritating to him. So, why was she here today? Because she was curious. He was persistent, and she was intrigued. It'd been a while since she'd gone a little wild, so why not today?
She wore her hair up, with a strapless halter and jeans with sandals. They were going to meet here and decide what to do from there. She went into the coffee shop glancing around, but didn't see him. She stepped up to the counter then, smiled and ordered her usual mocha frappachino and waited, looking around some more. Then she saw him outside, facing away from her, staring out into the day. He looked very confident and relaxed, and suddenly she wasn't so sure that she felt that way anymore.
Wow. He was tall. Even sitting down, it was easy to see that. She picked up on that same mixture of bad boy and intelligence she'd seen online. Her coffee was ready. She paid for it, smiled at the cashier and went outside.
She walked up behind him and touched him on the shoulder and then came around to face him. She might have said "hi", but couldn't remember if she did or not. She did remember that when he stood up, her mouth went dry and her heart raced a bit because the raw sex that flowed from this man was palpable. He invaded her space immediately and leaned in and very, very softly kissed her lips.
She was caught so off guard, she didn't know what to say. No one had ever done that before. It was as if every limb was paralyzed and she could no longer think for herself. She was grateful when he told her to sit down. She didn't know what had come over her but she appreciated that he had the presence of mind to take control and tell her what to do. Whatever her problem was, she'd most certainly lost any control she thought she had over this date.
She sipped at her drink, and looked at him across the table from her. She stretched out her legs and from shin to ankle, touched his leg. It was electric, and he glanced down, then looked back at her and raised an eyebrow. She just smiled, hidden behind her sunglasses. He took her hand and began stroking it. Neither one said anything until she looked at him and said,
"So?"
"Even better in person."
They sat in silence again after that, feeling the chemistry between them weave back and forth; the two areas in contact with each other, distracting. Finally, he asked her if she wanted to go for a ride? She'd wondered if she'd be up for it or not. It'd literally been YEARS since she'd ridden. But of course that's not what she said. All that came out was, "Sure." She moved to her car and put her purse in the trunk, and then began to remove her sunglasses too.
"Uh, you're going to need those."
"Oh! Okay."
Silly. She should have known that! What was wrong with her? She felt an odd mixture of school girl sheepishness, excitement and ease. So far, this was not at all what she expected.
She managed to get on easily and without falling, which made her proud of herself. He of course knew his way around the bike. It was a Honda Valkyrie and it was large, covered in black and chrome. It was powerful. She'd never ridden on one that felt so heavy, but he managed it well. She pointed out a direction that would lead them around places on the lake she'd not really been to before. She knew it was a pretty direction and hoped that that would suffice.
She reveled in the air coming at them fast, and the nakedness she felt; exposed to the warmth and sun of the day. No WONDER people liked this so much! She could see the faces and attitudes of people around them, but none of that really mattered. She felt alive in a way she hadn't in a very, very long time.
He was careful with his driving, only occasionally doing things to make her react. He felt her every movement and while he was certainly aware of the area around him, he was also thinking of how he was going to get beneath that innocence. He could tell he had an effect on her, but he wanted to be sure that she knew he wasn't the relationship type, and he told her that. No sense in things getting messier than they needed to be.
He'd never really been good at settling down. There were so many sights to see, women to meet, and he liked the freedom to just go whenever he wanted to. At the same time, if someone ever really rocked his world, he'd just deal with that when it happened. Because it was nice having someone with you every now and then; to go through an experience together. He just wasn't ready for that someone to be the same someone each time. He smiled at the thought. SHE had relationship written all over her.
Finally, they came to an area off the lake that branched off into a myriad of dirt roads. He picked one and began slowly exploring it. This particular one, ended in a circle around a dead tree, in front of a burned out old barn. He stopped and her heart began to beat faster. He told her not to move, and she didn't. He got off, and propped it up. She was surprised that it stayed erect and looked at him coyly as he stood there looking at her. She felt unbelievably exposed right now.
He got back on the motorcycle, facing her. Before she could react, he kissed her. Their kiss was soft again, as the first one had been, with darting, teasing tongues. He drew her out slowly, taking the kiss deeper and then backing off. It grew powerful and more demanding, very expert and pulling reactions from her she wasn't used to.
She began to regain herself a bit, and began to respond more fully and in control. She moved her hands around his head to bring him closer and moved more towards him on the bike. As they explored the taste of each other's mouths, he moved his hands to her legs and moved them up and over his so that they could get closer.
That small movement, took her breath away and she broke their kiss. She looked at him and then down at the two of them a mere couple of pieces of jean material away. It made her head spin. He lifted her chin and then began kissing her again, causing her to circle her legs around him and begin to move in rythym to his movements. She moved harder against him wanting to get closer.
He leaned her back slowly and began exploring more of her with his hands. She was breathless and on fire and felt wanton in this open, exposed place. They teased and touched and tasted as much as they could there in front of that old barn. It felt wild, freeing and absolutely intoxicating. She opened herself up completely to the experience, and allowed herself every sight, smell and texture he gave her. But even a chemistry this powerful, had to end.
He wanted her. There was no doubt about that. She'd proven to be more than he'd imagined and was having a hard time controlling himself. The ways she moved and moaned against him, her hands finding places on him that made him want her even more. And then, the willingness and responsiveness was mind blowing. But it was getting late. They were out in the middle of no where and he had a long drive home. It was sadly, time to end this.
So, as hard as it was he pulled away, righted himself on the bike, and they rode back towards the coffee shop. It was quite a ride home. Every nerve ending she had was on edge. He'd stirred her up in ways she wasn't sure she'd ever been stirred before. His thoughts were filled with all the ways he wanted her. He liked feeling her behind him. With all they'd just shared, he was extremely aware of every bit of contact her body had with his. It made his thoughts race.
They arrived a little worse for wear at the coffee shop again, quite the spectacle. She, windblown with sunkissed skin, and he just as dominating a persona as before. They were quite the picture, and caught a few stares.
He walked her to her car and then whispered in her ear, "I will have you." kissed her, thanked her and walked away. She shakily got into her car and tried to process through all that had occurred in such a short amount of time. She didn't know if she'd ever see him again...or even if she really wanted to. She'd never known anyone remotely like him, and wasn't sure she would know what to do with all that he was. She did know one thing for certain, though. Her perceptions of people were far more acute after that day.
***We've all had a date or two that totally took us by surprise. Sometimes in how awful it was, and sometimes in just the unusualness of it. Sometimes, it was just plain FUN, but nothing ever came of it. All of these things make up the fabric of who we are, and help us put together the pieces of what we are really looking for. So here's my example, again with a little bit of me and a little bit of an actual date I had a pretty long while ago. Have you had one that stood out to you recently or even NOT so recently?? Sometimes even in dating we lose the color we need to really consider it living. Occasionally, there is one that comes along that sort of awakens you, and makes you realize that there IS more out there...Tell me about your experience like that.
Living Life and Moving On
It'd now been almost a full year since the divorce, and more than that since the separation. She could still vividly remember finding that half-filled whiskey bottle in his tool closet in the garage. It was the day she realized her danger. She'd blown it off before then, as angry outbursts, meanness even. But she'd been so unwilling to look harder and closer. She remembered the near death road rages with her and her young son in the car, the sledge hammered cell phone that had a recording of the spittle-filled verbal onslaught to her face she'd just undergone earlier that evening. It made her stiffen to remember those times. But they were over now. She sighed and relaxed her shoulders.
Those first few forays into the whole dating arena had been quite the learning experience. She'd been out of it for so long; how did people DO this thing?? The hardest part was weeding through the lies. Not that there were many of those, but there were certainly a few. And gaining intimate knowledge of Ruffies and date rape were not things she expected. Vague memories of locations and the flash of a camera made her shiver. Who knew what was out there of her? It made her take her time and life far more seriously...and she became much more careful and hesitant to let someone in right away. But time lessoned even those scars.
Lots of occurrances. Lots of experiences and lots of lessons learned. She'd emerged not too broken and shattered. Although the recent loss of a very dear and important friend had knocked a bit of her breath from her, it'd been worth it. Damn the cancer anyway! Cancer is a horrible thief that steals much from many, but this time it was stealing away something personal and precious to her. Her friend; amazing and strong though he was...was finally losing the battle. And she couldnt' talk and banter his way through it anymore. He was out of reach. But still..she'd remember their time together as some of the best she'd had with any friend.
Recently though, she'd begun to feel a bit more sure of herself. That feeling that she was worthless and ugly, had been left behind like old rags discarded in the trash. New life, new friends and new experiences had taught her much, and she was really beginning to enjoy meeting people and exploring the possibilities.
She'd also rediscovered how absolutely sexual she was. She wasn't entirely at ease internally with herself over it...still had remnants of church teachings and that persistent empty feeling that can come from making a poor choice here and there. But overall, she was comfortable with who she was and where her life was going. It was fun to relax and be herself and finally live and taste much that life had to offer. And the tastes were both varied and exciting.
And then she met him. He was tanned and strong, with blue eyes that seemed gentle yet persistent. His photos could look like an empty-headed gym jock, and she giggled remembering thinking that when he first said hello. She almost didnt' reply to his queries. But there was something about his eyes...and the way his words to her, seemed very honest and simple. He was exploring also. Broken a bit by a hurtful marriage, but determined to see what life post divorce had to offer. He seemed to be in a similar place of self-discovery as was she. Looking, asking questions...feeling his way around. She built up confidence and trust enough to allow him to call.
They talked for hours. Learning about each other, questioning, answering and discussing life in general on many levels. Her lower registered soft voice with a slight drawl, to his pure Chicago bad boy voice, were quite the contrast. And their words danced their dance until it became a daily event that both looked forward to with anticipation.
And there was an attraction...oh yes. The more she saw him through his words, the less she was even aware of the jock image..and he began to see her as the rare find in a woman that she was. She began to be playful and coy and he was having none of it. He drew her out. Made her take chances by the questions he asked and the flirtations he showered her with. It was very artful, the way he spoke. Art without pure intent, although that was there too..but mostly, because he wanted to know everything about her. He was deciding in his mind whether to pursue this or not.
He made his decision and began the long drive across the US to visit her. They talked as he drove. She planned what they would do and both began to get excited over the possibilities. The attraction continued to grow. There were a few playfully, naughty moments along the way...his voice wooing her into a frenzy of foreplay, as she bantered right back and did the same for him. It was exhilerating and fun and wow! She felt so sexy and alive.
At the same time, she began to battle those insecurities she'd been left with after her marriage deteriorated. Feelings she was boring, not interesting enough, not pretty enough, began to press at her. She pushed those aside over and over, finally banishing them on a shopping trip with her neighbor as she chose the outfit for their first meeting. It was fun; she had a blast at the store with her neighbor and her girls and all left the store feeling girly, playful and fun.
They met and there was electricity from the beginning, but he was careful not to allow it to get out of hand on his end. He knew she'd been through some things and was mindful of that. Plus, he'd had his own experiences which meant that he would only allow himself so much physical leeway. They smiled, hugged and went to his room for a small visit before heading out. There was at that time, only one introductory kiss which was soft and seductive with lips barely coming together and tongues lightly exploring hello. She felt herself being drawn in but he stopped things in deference to their newness with each other, and they left for dinner.
The restaurant was elegant and casual, with a south american feel and torches burning over the patio and was on a lake with the sun glinting off waves as they walked up. The food was flavorful and their conversation still came with all the ease it had from the beginning. Back and forth they weaved their live's tales for each other; his of his hurts from his marriage and subsequent healing and her some of the same. They had the comfort as if they'd known each other a while, and the sexual tension of two people who've just met but are strongly attracted to each other. She kept thinking of their kiss and wanted to feel his lips again..and he was lost in whatever story he was telling her. Silly man. She smiled and chuckled to herself. She wanted to distract him a little. She couldn't exactly explain why. But she did. She wanted to be HIS distraction.
So they picked a movie, which didn't start for a bit, and she showed him around her area. They drove along the neighborhoods on the lake's coastal line and still talked easily. They made it back to the theater and got their giant popcorn and sodas and found a perfect seat for two, with no one else on either side. They settled in with her glancing every so often at him in the dark and he doing the same. They were close now, she holding his arm; he was surprised she'd asked. Their hands playfully exploring each other. He glanced over once and couldn't look away. She happened to catch his look, and realized it was lower than her face.
She wore a black vest with a white, button-up blouse which was left open more than one or two buttons. Underneath, she wore this red and black bra that was a favorite of hers and as she followed his eyes, she realized that particular article of clothing was exposed and along with it, the white curve of the top of her breast. She gasped a bit and closed it..at first. But it happened again..and then she decided oh what the hell!! Let him look! She allowed herself to steal a kiss or two then, as quid pro quo for the look HE got! It was soft again, not pushing, not pressing, but still exploring and still controlled. It was intoxicating to her. She wanted more.
So after the movie, they decided to pick up some snacks and drinks and went back to where he was staying. It was a place on the lake, but without a view of it from where he was. Still, you could hear it and the wind stirring up the waves in the distance. It was a calming and exhilarating sound all at once.
They sat and talked; he kept a careful distance for a long time. Finally, he came over by her, still talking, but there was something in his look. She felt it too..but because he was being so careful, she decided to be less so and kissed him again. This time, there wasn't the control at the same level as it'd been...he wanted to let go, but didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her, and kissing like this was not making it easier.
He asked if she was sure, and she said, "Of course you should continue kissing me." Smiling and chuckling and deliberately ignoring his real question. She deepened the kiss and he allowed it. Then caught another glimpse of the breast he'd seen before and he decided to take over.
He began seeking and exploring the openness of her shirt with more directness. Sliding fingers over and around..finding tips and crevices and spending equal time with both. She arched her back to his touch and moaned through the kisses and began to tremble because it'd been so long. And for a time, his mouth left hers and went to her blouse, finding the trails his hands had left behind. She was quickly becoming lost in the scent and sensations of him..and he climbed on top of her. There was nothing forceful or confining in anything that he did. It was deliberate, but natural--his movements with her. And she moved against him too, her passion growing, but now she was trying harder to hold back. He sensed this and moved off of her. But the coldness and emptiness he left behind was more than she wanted to deal with.
She moved over to him and got on top of him. She kissed him harder and pressed fully against his bare chest and began to move in rythym over him. Her jeans were getting warmer, and her breathing came faster. He reached for her then, to a more private area. His teasings and strokes were felt even through the thick material of her jeans. She exhaled and rolled off of him. Oh GOD, did she really want to do this? But if he continued to touch her like that..well, she wouldn't be able to stop herself.
He was patient as she fought this war with herself, but knew what decision he was hoping for. She was something. So soft and strong, desirable and a bit wild too. He wanted to taste that; to bring that out in her. He wanted to explore her fully with his own body, but it was ultimately up to her. And she succumbed then.
She tasted him and teased him and he played with her and explored her body. They came together in many different ways, with different forces and with different intents. They fit well together and the intensity and power of their attraction caught them both off guard. It was an evening filled with pleasant surprises. Afterwards as he slept, she thought about this whole dating thing. Maybe she'd get the hang of it after all. She smiled to herself and was happy.
Those first few forays into the whole dating arena had been quite the learning experience. She'd been out of it for so long; how did people DO this thing?? The hardest part was weeding through the lies. Not that there were many of those, but there were certainly a few. And gaining intimate knowledge of Ruffies and date rape were not things she expected. Vague memories of locations and the flash of a camera made her shiver. Who knew what was out there of her? It made her take her time and life far more seriously...and she became much more careful and hesitant to let someone in right away. But time lessoned even those scars.
Lots of occurrances. Lots of experiences and lots of lessons learned. She'd emerged not too broken and shattered. Although the recent loss of a very dear and important friend had knocked a bit of her breath from her, it'd been worth it. Damn the cancer anyway! Cancer is a horrible thief that steals much from many, but this time it was stealing away something personal and precious to her. Her friend; amazing and strong though he was...was finally losing the battle. And she couldnt' talk and banter his way through it anymore. He was out of reach. But still..she'd remember their time together as some of the best she'd had with any friend.
Recently though, she'd begun to feel a bit more sure of herself. That feeling that she was worthless and ugly, had been left behind like old rags discarded in the trash. New life, new friends and new experiences had taught her much, and she was really beginning to enjoy meeting people and exploring the possibilities.
She'd also rediscovered how absolutely sexual she was. She wasn't entirely at ease internally with herself over it...still had remnants of church teachings and that persistent empty feeling that can come from making a poor choice here and there. But overall, she was comfortable with who she was and where her life was going. It was fun to relax and be herself and finally live and taste much that life had to offer. And the tastes were both varied and exciting.
And then she met him. He was tanned and strong, with blue eyes that seemed gentle yet persistent. His photos could look like an empty-headed gym jock, and she giggled remembering thinking that when he first said hello. She almost didnt' reply to his queries. But there was something about his eyes...and the way his words to her, seemed very honest and simple. He was exploring also. Broken a bit by a hurtful marriage, but determined to see what life post divorce had to offer. He seemed to be in a similar place of self-discovery as was she. Looking, asking questions...feeling his way around. She built up confidence and trust enough to allow him to call.
They talked for hours. Learning about each other, questioning, answering and discussing life in general on many levels. Her lower registered soft voice with a slight drawl, to his pure Chicago bad boy voice, were quite the contrast. And their words danced their dance until it became a daily event that both looked forward to with anticipation.
And there was an attraction...oh yes. The more she saw him through his words, the less she was even aware of the jock image..and he began to see her as the rare find in a woman that she was. She began to be playful and coy and he was having none of it. He drew her out. Made her take chances by the questions he asked and the flirtations he showered her with. It was very artful, the way he spoke. Art without pure intent, although that was there too..but mostly, because he wanted to know everything about her. He was deciding in his mind whether to pursue this or not.
He made his decision and began the long drive across the US to visit her. They talked as he drove. She planned what they would do and both began to get excited over the possibilities. The attraction continued to grow. There were a few playfully, naughty moments along the way...his voice wooing her into a frenzy of foreplay, as she bantered right back and did the same for him. It was exhilerating and fun and wow! She felt so sexy and alive.
At the same time, she began to battle those insecurities she'd been left with after her marriage deteriorated. Feelings she was boring, not interesting enough, not pretty enough, began to press at her. She pushed those aside over and over, finally banishing them on a shopping trip with her neighbor as she chose the outfit for their first meeting. It was fun; she had a blast at the store with her neighbor and her girls and all left the store feeling girly, playful and fun.
They met and there was electricity from the beginning, but he was careful not to allow it to get out of hand on his end. He knew she'd been through some things and was mindful of that. Plus, he'd had his own experiences which meant that he would only allow himself so much physical leeway. They smiled, hugged and went to his room for a small visit before heading out. There was at that time, only one introductory kiss which was soft and seductive with lips barely coming together and tongues lightly exploring hello. She felt herself being drawn in but he stopped things in deference to their newness with each other, and they left for dinner.
The restaurant was elegant and casual, with a south american feel and torches burning over the patio and was on a lake with the sun glinting off waves as they walked up. The food was flavorful and their conversation still came with all the ease it had from the beginning. Back and forth they weaved their live's tales for each other; his of his hurts from his marriage and subsequent healing and her some of the same. They had the comfort as if they'd known each other a while, and the sexual tension of two people who've just met but are strongly attracted to each other. She kept thinking of their kiss and wanted to feel his lips again..and he was lost in whatever story he was telling her. Silly man. She smiled and chuckled to herself. She wanted to distract him a little. She couldn't exactly explain why. But she did. She wanted to be HIS distraction.
So they picked a movie, which didn't start for a bit, and she showed him around her area. They drove along the neighborhoods on the lake's coastal line and still talked easily. They made it back to the theater and got their giant popcorn and sodas and found a perfect seat for two, with no one else on either side. They settled in with her glancing every so often at him in the dark and he doing the same. They were close now, she holding his arm; he was surprised she'd asked. Their hands playfully exploring each other. He glanced over once and couldn't look away. She happened to catch his look, and realized it was lower than her face.
She wore a black vest with a white, button-up blouse which was left open more than one or two buttons. Underneath, she wore this red and black bra that was a favorite of hers and as she followed his eyes, she realized that particular article of clothing was exposed and along with it, the white curve of the top of her breast. She gasped a bit and closed it..at first. But it happened again..and then she decided oh what the hell!! Let him look! She allowed herself to steal a kiss or two then, as quid pro quo for the look HE got! It was soft again, not pushing, not pressing, but still exploring and still controlled. It was intoxicating to her. She wanted more.
So after the movie, they decided to pick up some snacks and drinks and went back to where he was staying. It was a place on the lake, but without a view of it from where he was. Still, you could hear it and the wind stirring up the waves in the distance. It was a calming and exhilarating sound all at once.
They sat and talked; he kept a careful distance for a long time. Finally, he came over by her, still talking, but there was something in his look. She felt it too..but because he was being so careful, she decided to be less so and kissed him again. This time, there wasn't the control at the same level as it'd been...he wanted to let go, but didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her, and kissing like this was not making it easier.
He asked if she was sure, and she said, "Of course you should continue kissing me." Smiling and chuckling and deliberately ignoring his real question. She deepened the kiss and he allowed it. Then caught another glimpse of the breast he'd seen before and he decided to take over.
He began seeking and exploring the openness of her shirt with more directness. Sliding fingers over and around..finding tips and crevices and spending equal time with both. She arched her back to his touch and moaned through the kisses and began to tremble because it'd been so long. And for a time, his mouth left hers and went to her blouse, finding the trails his hands had left behind. She was quickly becoming lost in the scent and sensations of him..and he climbed on top of her. There was nothing forceful or confining in anything that he did. It was deliberate, but natural--his movements with her. And she moved against him too, her passion growing, but now she was trying harder to hold back. He sensed this and moved off of her. But the coldness and emptiness he left behind was more than she wanted to deal with.
She moved over to him and got on top of him. She kissed him harder and pressed fully against his bare chest and began to move in rythym over him. Her jeans were getting warmer, and her breathing came faster. He reached for her then, to a more private area. His teasings and strokes were felt even through the thick material of her jeans. She exhaled and rolled off of him. Oh GOD, did she really want to do this? But if he continued to touch her like that..well, she wouldn't be able to stop herself.
He was patient as she fought this war with herself, but knew what decision he was hoping for. She was something. So soft and strong, desirable and a bit wild too. He wanted to taste that; to bring that out in her. He wanted to explore her fully with his own body, but it was ultimately up to her. And she succumbed then.
She tasted him and teased him and he played with her and explored her body. They came together in many different ways, with different forces and with different intents. They fit well together and the intensity and power of their attraction caught them both off guard. It was an evening filled with pleasant surprises. Afterwards as he slept, she thought about this whole dating thing. Maybe she'd get the hang of it after all. She smiled to herself and was happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)